Parenting can be a tough job, and no matter how hard you try, you’re often left wondering if you’re doing it right. But what if asking one simple question could provide the answer? Alain de Botton, philosopher and author of The Architecture of Happiness, suggests that there’s a key question every parent should ask their child to gauge if they’re a good parent.
In a recent episode of the 20VC podcast with host Harry Stebbings, de Botton shared that asking your child whether they want to be famous can reveal if you’ve raised a confident child. (Also read: Want to be a better friend? Science says these 7 habits can strengthen any bond )
Importance of internal validation in parenting
“A marker of good parenting is that your child doesn’t have any wish to be famous,” de Botton revealed to Stebbings. He explained that children who don’t crave fame possess enough internal validation, meaning they don’t feel the need for external recognition. “They are not seeking to be known by strangers,” he added. “They can be content to be known by a small circle of people they truly connect with.”
Children who seek public recognition rely on a one-way broadcast system rather than a mutual, two-way relationship. De Botton explains that those who crave fame often hope to gain respect and love through their popularity. However, the reality is often different, as famous individuals can face feelings of envy, insecurity, and backlash instead.
How internet reacted
Many people found De Botton’s perspective eye-opening, with some admitting it struck a chord with their own behaviour. “That explains a lot,” said one person. “It all makes sense now.” Another person remarked, “Bro just called my mom out,” while someone else added, “Damn, just clocked all of us.” One viewer wrote, “Oh, man. I always wanted to be a star. Explains everything.”
On the other hand, many resonated with the idea of not seeking the external validation that fame brings. “I’ve been criticized my whole life and would rather not have the whole world do that to me, too,” commented one person. “I just want to be rich and unknown,” said another.
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