A query on popular subreddit r/AITAH recently gained some renewed interest after being posted on Twitter. A woman shared how her husband wants her to be a housewife but doesn’t necessarily agree with the price she asked for it. Nor do many men on Twitter and Reddit. (Also read: Is your partner not into you anymore or simply avoidantly attached? Relationship expert helps you figure it out)
‘Quid pro quo’
The woman wrote in her post, “My husband and I (both 35) have been married for 6 years and we have 2 children together and 1 on the way. He said that he wanted me to be a housewife and stop working. I was very disturbed by that but he explained that it was better for our family and children since he can afford very good living. After a few weeks thinking I told him that I would agree but only if I get 1/2 his company. He was surprised by this but I explained further that the more I stay at home the less chance I would have to find a well paying job should we ever divorce because I would have less merits, while he would stay making more money each year. So I want half of the company. If we never divorce, which is the goal of all marriages then it wouldn’t matter but should it end, it would be the price of me staying home and raising our children so he could be less worried and stressed out (his words, that he would be less anxious and stressed out if he knew they were with me rather than with strangers in daycare or nannies). When I told my friends they called me the ass***e. My best friend was very angry and called me disgusting. So I am taken aback a little.”
What’s your take?
Reddit was mostly in agreement that she was justified in her ask and in fact, not the ass***e. “NTA and you shouldn’t bend on this. You have as much a right to a secure financial future as he does. If he won’t do this, he can’t afford you or he is looking to create a power imbalance that puts you at a disadvantage. In future, keep your marital business to yourself. Your friends don’t get a vote,” wrote a person. Another offered their own example.
Another person wrote, “To me, this sounds reasonable for exactly the reasons you’ve given. You don’t want to be the bitter woman finding out in her 50s that waiting tables is her only option because her professional career skills have passed their due date, and your husband has moved on. You don’t want to be trapped in a loveless or even abusive marriage because you’re financially dependent. And you don’t want to be a SAHM begging her husband for an allowance.”
The general opinion on Twitter was not so unanimous. “Getting 1/2 upfront all at once seems unbalanced. What happens if they divorce within a year of giving her half? I think it’s fairer if she gains some equity every year she’s a housewife.” Another said, “If she would’ve said, Start a business for me so I have passive income & I’ll learn along the way she would be winning. This is based in selfishness, not security. It’s not like alimony recipients are 97% WOMEN & child support. She’s trying to use this to get more from him, smh.”
Because the question is about an agreement between a couple to ‘stay’ in a marriage, alimony rules and laws don’t really apply here (which are different in different countries anyway).
The OP gave an update to her situation on Reddit and said that the husband has agreed to her demand but given her 49%. However, we think she and her husband should definitely consider this tweet with its hilarious take that actually makes a lot of sense: “Don’t give her half, give her 51% and reap all the benefits of being a woman owned business.”