There’s always a reason why people behave the way they do. Nothing exists in isolation. Some parents typically use very harsh disciplining methods for their children, from yelling to physical punishment. But is this just to get the child to behave? Is the child just insufferable and driving the parents to intense measures? There’s much more to it than you would realize.
A study published in the journal Family Relations explained that parents who are insecure about their romantic relationship are stricter with their children. Unresolved emotional issues in their relationships cause parents to take it out on their children.
How attachment styles shape parenting
In a relationship, the way people form emotional bonds with each other is called an attachment style. There are two main types that the study examined: attachment anxiety (fear of rejection, abandonment, constant need for reassurance) and attachment avoidance (discomfort with emotional closeness). Both attachment styles can shape the parenting style for the worse, with distinct emotional roots and reasoning.
Parents with an anxious attachment style are typically insecure in their relationships and fear rejection from their partner. As a result, they are more likely to displace this anxiety and lash out at their children. Displacement is also a coping mechanism against their anxiety. Children become easy targets. Most importantly, there’s a gap between the child and parent. Since much of their energy is spent seeking reassurance and validation from their partner, they become so caught up in their own anxieties that they struggle to understand their child’s emotions.
Similarly, parents with an avoidant attachment style are also likely to use strict discipline, but for different reasons. Instead of feeling anxious about their partner, they feel emotionally disconnected from both their partner and family. Their harsh discipline is driven more by low confidence in their parenting skills rather than a lack of understanding of their child.
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How strict discipline affects the child
Harsh discipline can cause mental health problems in the long run. Along with this, children may also suffer from emotional and behavioural problems.
This is why the researchers reiterated the importance of self-awareness among parents about their attachment styles. Attending parenting workshops not only teaches them about parenting but also opens up their emotional roots and makes them face their inner thoughts, conflicts and emotions.
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Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.