Everyone longs for a movie-worthy dating experience. But reality can be grim, whether getting ghosted and enduring brutal heartbreaks, to getting no dates at all. Some may be frustrated and swear off dating altogether, as for many it’s like going around in circles with no clear vision. But sometimes the reason dating isn’t working for you may be because you are stuck in a repeated pattern of mistakes.
Jillian Turecki, a relationship expert, unpacked the common mistakes one may be making on a recent episode of Jay Shetty’s On Purpose podcast.
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Limited to dating apps only
Dating apps are convenient, but only depending on them is problematic. They offer limited exposure to matches, whereas real life, perhaps through mutual friends or other connections, provides a much broader range of opportunities.
Jillian said, “Just focusing on the dating apps and not actually expanding your circle and doing new things and letting certain things unfold organically.”
Impatience
Jillian briefly mentioned impatience as one of the dating errors. Many easily get upset over their lacklustre conversations with their matches. Some even feel like they are waiting out too long and their inbox is collecting dust, abandoning dating completely. Dating may feel slow, but patience is the key.
High expectation
Jillian added that high expectation is another mistake many make. The standards are set too high, maybe from unrealistic media portrayals. Unrealistic expectations will cause disappointment and prevent one from being open-minded. It makes one nitpick everything about their date.
Long ‘texting stage’
Jillian emphasised this as one of the biggest mistakes. She strongly cautioned against the prolonged talking stage.
She said, “People get into very long, I mean, when I say, long, it’s weeks of texting exchanges with these people (dates) and it gives them a false sense of intimacy. Oh I have this amazing connection. They have never even met the person, and then maybe they never meet, don’t do that. Don’t do that. Text a little bit back and forth a day, and make a date to meet, on Facetime, Zoom or in-person. Your time is too precious to texting back and forth with a stranger who may not be available.”
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