A 2018 study from the University of Bath found that some men may feel uncomfortable or insecure if their girlfriend or wife earns more than them. It largely depends on individual personalities, values, and cultural backgrounds. Recently a Reddit post, titled, ‘Men of India, would it bother you if your girlfriend/wife earns more than you?’ invited a lot of reactions. Let’s look at some of them. Also read | Essential tips to help couples navigate financial stress and build a stronger future together
Men’s perspective
Ultimately, whether a man is bothered by his girlfriend or wife earning more than him depends on individual circumstances and the dynamics of their relationship. But here’s what the said Reddit post asked, “Assume she is more accomplished in academic/professional life and earns more than you. Would that bug you on some level? I have always wanted to know men’s perspective on this situation.”
Many responded to the post with their honest feelings. In a gist, their comments showed that traditional masculinity often emphasises the role of men as breadwinners, and when this expectation is not met, some men might feel emasculated or inadequate, while some men might not be bothered.
‘My wife does make more than me’
Opening up about how his partner ‘has always earned more than’ him, A Redditor said, “Healthy relationships are built on the fact that you support each other. Just like you would be happy for your father or sister or brother when they do well in life, the same should be for your partner. My partner has always earned more than me. Never have I been belittled by her. In fact, I sometimes am myself surprised by the amount of faith and confidence that she has in me. A woman that loves me irrespective of my quirks, respects me for who I am, and leaves everything else in an instant for my worries is someone who I can never really feel jealous or insecure about. This is a mutual arrangement…”
Couples who share financial goals and work together to achieve them may not view income as a source of competition or insecurity, as a man pointed out, “My wife does make more than me. It’s all coming to one pot!” Someone also wrote in reaction to this comment, “Exactly! Earning for the family.”
A woman’s take
A women also chimed in to share her experience with her ex-husband, highlighting how men who are not emotionally mature and supportive may not be able celebrate their partner’s success and recognise the benefits of a higher household income.
She said, “I won’t go by comments here. My ex said he was all okay that he earned less than me. I was fine too. After getting married I balanced work and house chores accordingly. I would cook and keep it in a hotbox so that I can go and work. He would criticize me for not cooking fresh food for him and that I should attend meetings while cooking instead of cooking before hand. We could afford a cook but he won’t allow to hire one. He always says, ‘You should be taking care of the house. After that you can do whatever you want and attend your meetings’. So it’s one thing to say it doesn’t bother you and it’s another thing to act according to your words.”
Reacting to her comment, someone hinted that men may feel that their ego or pride is hurt if they’re not the primary earner, and wrote, “I have noticed that this is an age old tactic men use. They get you somehow married to them and then their demonic side comes out. The plan was to marry you so you get attached formally and then he showed you his true side. This is very common amongst men. The worst is they get you pregnant without your consent. They use torn condoms, a very common tactic to make a woman subversive is to get her two kids . Then she won’t work.”