Naming a child can sometimes bring up unexpected disagreements between parents, especially when family traditions and personal preferences collide. On August 18, a 32-year-old man shared his dilemma on the subreddit r/InsideIndianMarriage as he and his wife prepare to welcome their first child.
Couple expecting their first child clash over baby’s surname
The couple, married for three years, are debating over the child’s surname. The man, a Gujarati, explained that his wife, a Chhattisgarhi, has requested that her surname, Chandrakar, be included as the baby’s middle name, followed by his surname, Shah. “For example: Babyname Chandrakar Shah,” he wrote on Reddit.
He admitted he was hesitant about the idea. “Her surname is long, and the first names we have already chosen are on the longer side. I thought we’d keep it simple: Babyname myname Shah, as it is a tradition in my family to pass down the father’s surname,” he said.
The wife’s reasoning, he explained, is that she is an only daughter and wants her family name to carry on through their child. “I understand her perspective, but I’m hesitant. As the only son in my family, my parents may not like the idea of including her surname. I’ve already faced challenges marrying her, and I don’t want to disappoint my parents over what I consider a minor issue,” he wrote.
He added that before their marriage, they had discussed surname arrangements. His wife had agreed not to change her surname after marriage, which he had accepted. But with the baby due, she has reconsidered. “She suddenly realised that she is the only daughter and wants her surname to be part of our baby’s name,” he explained.
The man also noted that his wife has become upset over his hesitation, and their discussions have led to tension. She has argued that she too has made compromises with her family in the past. He concluded by seeking advice on how to navigate this situation, balancing family traditions, his wife’s wishes, and the upcoming arrival of their child.
How Redditors react
The post sparked a flurry of reactions from Reddit users. Some criticised the husband’s stance. One user wrote, “You are an ass. She gets to add her surname just like you are adding yours. Your extended family’s opinions are secondary to the immediate family. Let her have her name.” Another commented, “Are you having this baby to please your parents or because of love? Pregnancy is already tough, don’t make it harder over petty issues.”
One more pointed out, “Hope such a marriage never finds me.” One user noted, “Her surname is long and the first names we’ve chosen are already on the longer side. I thought we’d just keep it simple. Be honest, it isn’t the length of the name that’s the problem here. It’s a fair ask in my opinion. You will have your family name as the last name and including hers as a middle name is, I believe, a right choice.”
Another comment read, “You are such a toxic husband. Wants a baby from her, but can’t even put her surname on it. You didn’t deserve her. You should have married somebody your parents decided and would dance to their whims and fantasies.”
In situations like this, many argue that the focus should be on mutual respect and the well-being of both parents, especially the mother carrying the child. Including her surname as a middle name is seen by many as a simple yet meaningful way to honour her identity and family legacy. Open communication and compromise can help couples navigate such decisions without letting traditions or extended family pressures overshadow what’s best for their child and their relationship.
Note for readers: This article reflects the individual’s account and public reactions. It is not professional advice. Readers should seek professional guidance when faced with relationship and mental health issues.