Children, all around us, we hear stories of anger and revenge. We can see this everywhere in society—in poems, stories and novels. Most movies and TV serials revolve around these themes. This theme has now spread to cartoons even!
When the cartoon characters fight against evil, their actions are often cruel. As a result, the idea that violence and cruelty are acceptable ways of countering evil grows in the minds of even small children. Amma does not like this trend.
We must probe into the primary cause of hatred and anger. We feel anger towards someone when he does not behave according to our expectations. When we expect love from someone but do not receive it, we feel anger towards him.
Conversely, we feel happy when someone respects us or smiles at us. By the same logic, everyone wants to be loved and respected by others. Understanding this, we must be ready to love and respect everyone.
Seeing her young child crying loudly, the mother gave her a toy, which distracted the child for some time. A short while later, the child started crying loudly again. If the mother gives her another toy, the child might stop crying for a short time. But she was not crying for toys in the first place: she was hungry and crying for milk.
The child’s tears and anguish will end only when the mother finds out the reason for her tears and feeds her. Similarly, we must find within ourselves the causes of our anger and hatred instead of searching for temporary peace and joy.
Amma remembers the story of a devotee who went on a pilgrimage to end his pain and sorrow. He travelled for many days and endured a lot of hardship to reach a holy place. It was crowded with devotees. While everyone was praying silently before the sacred shrine, someone accidentally stepped on his foot.
Unable to control his anger, the man forgot his surroundings and shouted furiously at the devotee who had accidentally stepped on him. He not only lost his own peace of mind, he also shattered the peace and tranquility pervading that hallowed site by rudely interrupting the one-pointed prayers of so many people.
Children, never behave like this. The purpose of japa, prayer and pilgrimages is to gain noble qualities such as patience and equipoise. Only when we have these qualities can we experience real peace and joy.
Their own hatred and vengefulness caused Ravana and Duryodhana to destroy not only themselves, but also their clan and country. Never forget that those who harbour grudges destroy not only others, but themselves as well.
Getting angry is like having a bad business where we end up losing everything. Actually in life, one should gain the Self (Atma), the ultimate “profit”. Our life is not a bubble—we are the entire ocean. Pampering the bubble of the ego will lead us to death, yet we only pamper perishable things like the body while not taking care of the Atma. We should enquire “who am I?”, and understand that we are not the bubble, but the vast ocean.
Next time when anger arises in your mind, pay attention to the gap between the thoughts. Normally the thoughts and emotions come together forcefully one after another, and we then lose our discrimination and become identified with the anger. But if we can stand apart from the thoughts as a witness, there will be light, and with the resulting viveka (discrimination) we will be able to control our anger.
AmmaSpeak
Mata Amritanandamayi
The writer is a world-renowned spiritual leader and humanitarian.