Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were in an on-and-off relationship. The exes who got back together after decades are divorcing now. ‘Bennifer’ first took the world by storm back in 2002 when the smitten couple got engaged. However, they postponed the wedding and eventually split in 2004. The stars lived their lives in parallel, marrying and having children with other partners. But they reunited once again in 2021, with wedding bells chiming in July 2022. The sizzling relationship which spanned over decades, ended as Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce from Ben Affleck after two years of marriage. The push and pull of this celebrity relationship has definitely taught us a lesson or two.
Rekindling an expired relationship is warm and familiar like a bonfire and hopeful like a sunrise, forging a new perspective to open closed doors. Believe it or not, calling an ex in the middle of the night is an odd instinct we all have. The troubling tendency to run back to familiar arms is alarming and should be avoided at all costs if you wish to maintain your mental peace. Change is scary, and emotional turbulence can make you seek the shelter of familiarity to keep you grounded. However, do not confuse familiarity with emotional comfort. No matter how much of an ‘I’ll fix it’ attitude you summon, it won’t work out. Here’s why going back to your ex is a bad idea.
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Shallow promises
Previously, some irreconcilable issues ended your relationship. When you go back to your ex, you can’t expect those issues to vanish without a trace. No matter how much a person promises to turn over a new leaf, they inherently remain the same. It’s humanly not possible to change yourself entirely inside out. You may mend the relationship with the expectation of a better version of your partner in the recently rekindled relationship.
But it’s inevitable for you to run into those old issues that perturbed you, opening up emotional wounds. This relationship begins to feel like a vicious loop, and you’re caught in a back-and-forth. You split, then you deeply miss and forget all the toxicity, and when you come back, you realise why you have left in the first place. Only after the agonising back and forth, you see your partner for who they truly are. Learn to evaluate both your and your ex’s promises for something new again. You might just be lying to each other with sugar-coated words and smiles, in pursuit of unresolved feelings and closure.
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Missing out on a better match
When you’re hung up on your ex and struggling to move on, your vision becomes narrow and closed off, causing you to overlook potential better matches and focus only on finding faults in others. This tunnel vision makes you frown at new possibilities, as you start fixating on minor flaws in others rather than seeing their true value. Your romanticisation of the past prevents you from fully engaging with the possibility of matching with someone better.
In your head, your ex is placed on a pedestal and they become the parameter of evaluation. Additionally, going back to your ex can be a lost cause, as, after the initial rosy days of reconciliation, you may find yourselves constantly in arguments and fights when the old issues resurface. After your tumultuous breakup, you’re back to the drawing board. This can be detrimental to your mental health.
Toxic becomes the new normal
When you patch up with your ex, you end up embracing the old toxicity and letting it become your new normal. It becomes so normalized that you start to treat it as the standard for how you should be treated. The harmful patterns of abusive behaviour are rationalised and accepted. As a result, when someone actually treats you with respect and kindness, it may feel strange because your romantic experience has been predominantly toxic. This distorts your perception of genuine care and affection.