Stopping obsessive thoughts about someone can be challenging, but relationship coach, podcaster, and author Jillian Turecki says it is possible. Remember, overcoming obsessive thoughts takes time, patience, and effort. Be gentle with yourself, and don’t hesitate to seek help when needed. In a recent interview with Max Lugavere on his podcast, Jillian was asked, “How do we stop obsessing over somebody?” Also read | Are you dating an obsessive lover? How to recognise the signs
Signs you are obsessing over someone
Jillian listed some possible reasons why you might be obsessing over someone. She went through different phases of obsession and said that if you’re obsessing over someone who you barely know, during ‘very early’ stages and ‘don’t have a history with them at all’, then the part of the obsessing may be because ‘you’ve been single for a long time and you haven’t met anyone in a long time, who you are really excited about’.
Jillian added, “You meet someone, and you’re really excited about them, and then add to that you’re bored in life. You’re a little bored. You’re a little unfulfilled, maybe you’re a lot unfulfilled, maybe you don’t like your job, maybe you don’t have that much meaning in life, and you’ve been kind of waiting, even if you’re not totally consciously aware of it, you’ve been kind of waiting for a relationship to pull you out of the monotony of your life. And then you meet someone, and you feel the chemistry, and you’re like, it’s a great feeling.”
‘People are obsessed because they’re bored’
She said that you might think the person is ‘so smart and they’re so beautiful, they’re so cool’ and that you two have similar tastes, even though you have ‘literally known them for like a day or a week’. Jillian added that they are still a stranger, but you can’t stop thinking about them, ‘you’re like waiting for the phone and this and that’. According to Jillian, we think our obsession is about that person, ‘when really it’s not’ – it’s that this person is ‘a metaphor for change’.
She says, “They’re a metaphor for hope, the hope of not of a relationship. The hope for love. The hope for getting out of the life that you are actually terribly bored by, which is your responsibility… it’s never really about that person, and so that obsessing, the antidote to that obsessing again, then there could be other things, traumas, stuff like that, but the real antidote is what’s actually going on in your life. Like how much stock are you putting in a romantic relationship? Do you have this belief that someone can come into your life and make your life all the better because actually, they can, very temporarily, in the beginning. But once that honeymoon phase goes, then you’re very aware of the fact that you are obsessing over another human being who has their own flaws… so people are obsessed because they’re bored.”
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.