Relationships come in different types, such as same-sex or different-sex couples. It is generally believed that people get into relationships based on their sexual orientation (gender they are attracted to.) But, this is not always the case. Sexuality is multifaceted and more fluid, while relationships are often seen in rigid terms with a sense of dichotomy. Relationships may feel less satisfying when there’s this inconsistency, even leading to breakups.
For instance, a bisexual woman may be sexually attracted to both men and women. If she is in a relationship with a man, others may view it as a heterosexual relationship, and some may even mistake her as straight. But since she is bisexual, she might also still find other women attractive, despite being partnered with a man. This is where the inconsistency forms.
A study from the University of British Colombia and Lancaster University, published in Sociological Science, addressed this mismatch in relationship and sexuality. This inconsistency can create relationship challenges, creating a strain on the relationship.
This imbalance can create pressure on the relationship as true feelings can’t be expressed. It impacts the satisfaction and stability of the relationship.
When sexuality and relationships are contrasting
Sexuality is about who you’re attracted to while a relationship is about who you’re with. So conventionally, the relationship is also expected to align with sexuality. If someone is in a relationship with a man, they are expected to be sexually attracted to males only.
But this is not always the case. Sexuality is not as watertight as relationship is.
The study showed that approximately 41% of women in same-sex relationships reported feeling attraction toward individuals outside their primary gender preference. In different-sex partnerships, around 3% of men disclosed same-sex attraction, while 2% identified as not straight.
This mismatch between the kind of relationship they are in (same-sex or different-sex) and their sexual identity creates challenges in relationships, as the person feels they fully can’t express their feelings or identity.
So anytime, someone is attracted to opposite sex of the person they are in the relationship with, regardless of sexuality, suffers from low satisfaction.
For women, things are a bit different. Women in different-sex relationships were more likely than men to feel attracted to people of the same sex (11% vs. 3%). But this didn’t affect their relationship stability as much. This could be because society is more accepting of women’s sexuality than men’s. It may also reflect toxic masculinity, where societal pressures make it harder for men to express their true sexual identity.
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Bisexuals confused as straights
This imbalance is particularly true for bisexuals (individuals attracted to both men and women). Relationships have a binary understanding most of the time. Either one is straight or gay, as per society. But bisexuals fall somewhat in the middle ground, which general norms don’t understand. So bisexuals often feel trapped as they may be misinterpreted as straight just because they are in a different-sex relationship. They show much less relationship satisfaction regarding this, in contrast to gays or lesbians.
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